DOOMED RELATIONSHIPS
Ideally, relationships are meant to bring the best out of two people. However, in many cases, the opposite is true. Most, if not all, of us at one point or another, meet someone that brings the worst out of us. Many of us meet several in our lifetimes. I am certainly no exception.
In college, I met a girl from Florida named Elena whose parents were from Puerto Rico. We hit it off immediately and got along great…..for a whole weekend. She being a college freshman (I being a sophomore at the time) she wanted to date around which was understandable - except for the fact she kept going after my friends and then ran back to me after getting shot down. This went on for a whole semester with her last pursuit being my first cousin and bandmate Ray. This was too much for me to handle but still I wanted her.
Christmas break came and we went back home - me to Greenville and Elena to Florida. She began writing me like every other day (this was just before the internet and email took off) and she’d ask about Ray. At this time was when Ray and his now wife Erin began dating. Needless to say Elena was crushed, but bounced back by claiming to have ‘come to her senses’ and realizing that she only wanted me. Of course, to me at that time, this was wonderful news!
So, when we returned to Winthrop the next semester, we began our hot ‘n’ heavy relationship with the both of us quickly losing our virginities (yes, I was a virgin until I was 19). However, it wasn’t just our passion that was hot ‘n’ heavy - our fighting became quite notorious as we would sometimes fight clear across campus. That woman pulled elements out of me that no other woman ever has (and hopefully never will).
After dating for three semesters (roughly a year and a half), Elena broke up with me during summer break while she was taking summer classes at Winthrop to, again, pursue other relationships. So our relationship had come full circle and my heart was severely broken. Was she worth my time in the first place? Surely not, but that didn’t matter because my heart often overrides the functions of my brain. That and my libido!
The only other person to have ever caused as much grief and heartache would be my most recent ex-girlfriend Rebecca. When I first met her, she was living in Savannah so I kept my distance because I’ve had enough bad experiences with long distance relationships. We kept in touch through MySpace although she dodged any proposal of meeting up. Finally one day she actually called me and we began talking and I learned that she was moving back to Greenville.
She was in town for a couple of weeks prior to her actual move and we went out and hit it off…..for about a month. Hey, I admit, that was longer than Elena! We started dating officially after only a week and then she was back in Savannah. Almost immediately after our first date, her ‘best friend’ which also happened to be her ex-boyfriend, started in trying to sabotage the relationship by pulling various stunts. Rebecca, of course, just tried to dismiss his actions because she valued him as a friend even to the point of it jeopardizing our relationship.
At first, I rolled with it as best I could because I really felt Rebecca and I had real potential. However, their relationship obviously made me very insecure in our relationship and, after about a month, it started to take its toll. Over the next six months, she broke up with me at least half a dozen times.
To make matters worse, when she returned to Greenville and bought her first house, I would drop by to see her to find her ex there - and sometimes at late hours! I would walk in and nothing would be going on, but Rebecca would be visibly startled to see me and then be quick to get defensive when I made my accusatory conclusions. Do I think there was anything going on? Actually no, I really do believe that Rebecca is just too nice a person to see the harm in certain things and certain people. To this day I don’t believe she sees her ex for who he really is.
Late last year, I did some probing and found some inappropriate things, not necessarily physical, about their relationship and brought it to her attention. That encounter did not go well at all, but I think it actually sobered the girl up just a bit. Over the holidays we slowly patched things up and took our last run of the relationship after the new year. She put her friendship with her ex aside and we had a fairly decent run for a few months.
Back in March, we took our first (and consequently only) vacation together as we went to Savannah for St. Patty’s Day weekend and then went down to Orlando. During that time, it became painfully obvious to me that I was growing tired of the relationship largely due to our lack of communication. I still loved her very much, but, despite all the time we were spending together, we never really talked. Obviously I am open about EVERYTHING! Rebecca, on the other hand, is not. She is content with letting things slide instead of addressing them. I am much more confrontational. I love to talk. She prefers to just sit quietly with her significant other and say very little.
Granted, there is nothing wrong with either trait, but those traits make our personalities almost irreversibly incompatible. So, at Spring Fling this year, we had our final fight as a couple. She had a friend pick her up in Spartanburg and we officially ended the relationship that night. After being together off and on for right at a year, neither of us wanted to just say goodbye. Of course, Rebecca is obviously used to being friends with her exes in the first place.
So, we tried seeing each other as friends. Well, I probably wouldn’t be writing this blog right now had that plan worked out. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure Rebecca is not going to be happy that this blog is being written as I am sure she will be reading it. However, I am actually not doing this for the sheer intent of upsetting her in any way though I’d be lying if I said I had not the slightest bit of ill will.
The fact is that Rebecca has a good heart and I truly believe that. However, my friend Mikey summed it very well in saying that she has her priorities straight when it comes to her job and finances but tends to let her friends come at a distant second. This consequently makes her somewhat unreliable as she rarely does what she says she will do - well at least in the time frame she says she will. Me, I am punctual and prompt in nearly every way - at least when it counts considering I am late to the office almost every day but, hey, I get the job done!
Again, this difference in traits has made it virtually impossible for us to coexist as friends. At least as close as we had been until recently. Her inability to do as she promises to had finally reached the breaking point for me. So I demanded the key to my apartment back after telling her off.
Instead of giving it to me in person, she took it upon herself to enter my apartment yesterday while I was making my weekly visit to see my mom and aunt, took her bridesmaid dress she had left after a wedding and slid the key back under the door after locking up. Needless to say, I was furious when I got home at the fact that she had entered my apartment after I had told her to return my key. Being an assistant manager at an apartment community, she knew that there was nothing I could do legally, but how does reflect upon her especially considering her profession?
I am honestly baffled by her recent actions as they do not seem to come from the same person I have cared about for so long. Ultimately, that is the inspiration for writing this blog as it makes me reflect upon not only this relationship which was doomed from the beginning, but all of my doomed relationships in the past, only one of which I spotlighted for relevance. It is also the reason I have made a new blog category called “Words of Twisdom” as I am hoping to share the lessons I have learned in the past. Hell, who am I kidding, I just hope I learn from my past mistakes! If you gained any insight from this or have something to share yourself, feel free to leave your own thoughts - granted they’re not as ‘twisted’ as mine!
And since I’m talking about doomed relationships, you can see just how ‘bad’ your girlfriend is by taking the “Bad Girlfriend” survey here.